


stay;

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3400277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean leaves Castiel five times ever since the apocalypse, and the ex-angel decides that he has enough. He wants to leave unless he hears otherwise. Endverse!Destiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stay;

"I know I said I’ll go with you to anywhere as long as it’s a place you decide on, and that I’ll follow you fucking everywhere, but this is the last straw, Dean. You can’t just disappear like that every single time. I need answers.”

 

Castiel hissed as he roughly cast aside the baggage of Dean’s he managed to pull into his own grip earlier when he intercepted the hunter from trying to board a worn-down bus that was meant to take him to the next town. His hands curled into fists at that thought. Was that how Dean left him every single time from before? The last five times? Just taking his things and go before the sun even properly rises just to board the very first bus or train to anywhere?

 

But he wasn’t going to get any answers. The expression on Dean’s face already told Castiel that the hunter was intent to keep everything a secret. He was going to learn nothing. Learn nothing of the reason behind Dean’s persistent decision to leave despite everything.

 

Including the fact that Castiel told the hunter he loved him.

 

He tried to let it go, Castiel swore he did, for that he could never blame Dean Winchester too long for anything he did. He tried to, he really did. But he could never forget just how painful it truly felt, to just wake up to a warmth his body was starting to get used to — and never see it return for months, until his hard work of tracking the other down finally paid off.

 

But Dean would never stay, not more than two weeks. Despite the tenderness Castiel swore he felt every single time they spoke, laughed, kissed and touched. Because of a reason Castiel didn’t want to acknowledge, because of the brutality he could already feel just by thinking.

 

"When are you finally going to allow yourself to.. live your life, Dean." Without Sam, Castiel cautiously excluded as he treaded on eggshells, his initial glare softening into one that’s almost helpless the instant he saw Dean’s face fall upon realizing what Castiel’s sentence held. “It’s like you don’t even want me to help, or to be around, Dean. I told you I will, and you told me you’ll accept it, didn’t you? You promised.”

 

Dean’s silence was impregnable, Castiel felt his heart sink another inch deeper at the sight of the hunter just looking away, to the roads which were starting to get busy again after the apocalypse. It was a nice sight, oh of course it was, but all Castiel could see was Dean looking at his escape routes. The routes to leave him, refusing to let him into his life.

 

Again.

 

"You don’t want me to stay with you."

 

Castiel inhaled quietly after those words left his lips.

 

The only response he got was Dean tipping his head forward, his expression sliding out of Castiel’s vision entirely, but he didn’t need to see it to know he was actually correct. Dean’s silence that stubbornly held on to this very second was all too clear.

 

"I… fuck," Castiel found himself laughing dryly immediately, as he pressed the heel of his palm against his right eye, finding the entire situation suddenly too bizarre. Could it be? Could it be that he over thought his own value to Dean Winchester? The hunter didn’t want him to stay. "Dean, you keep your ears open right now and listen to me for this is the last time I’m telling you this."

 

He breathed in deeply as he glanced almost helplessly at Dean, who he noticed was starting to curl his hands into fists. That was like the first proper response he had ever gotten from the other, and it pained him inside, terribly, to think that Dean already knew what was coming.

 

"I will follow you everywhere, Dean. That is a promise I’d never break - but if you don’t want me to stay with you, I won’t. I can’t. Fuck, I have been spending so long, trying to chase you down just to let you know that you don’t have to face this alone, that you can be happy, and that you deserve to be happy, but I stupidly never thought of how that equation might not be one that includes me. I love you, Dean.”

 

Castiel whispered, and he almost laughed, humorlessly at how easily he could say them now. He remembered the past when he was so hesitant to admit this fact, so hesitant to tell his feelings raw and all clear to this man who was his utmost priority and now, he could say them without a second thought.

 

But it didn’t matter anymore, it didn’t matter as much as it did the first time he said it, with shaking lips to shifty eyes. Now it was just mere alphabets to walls.

 

"And if you still do, or if you ever did, just… tell me to stay with you. Or I’ll blow this place and give you what you want. That solitude you wanted -  so badly, from me.” It was then Dean’s eyes finally met his, and Castiel could only smile instead of putting up any hateful expression to show the storm that was brewing inside of him. He could never. Not when he could see how pained those green orbs looked — to reflect on the suffering Dean Winchester had. “Even just the word ‘stay’ is enough — but that’s only if you want me to. Because if not,”

 

He couldn’t say goodbye. Castiel was never good with them.

 

So he just trailed his fingers across the hunter’s face, briefly before he took everything in himself to not kiss those lips that he remembered all too well and walked right past Dean instead, taking a route he once never thought he would. One that directed him to the possible exit to the Winchester’s life.

 

All until he could hear hurried footsteps before him.

 

But before his heart could start to race at the anticipation that his mind hadn’t even gotten the time to process, a pair of familiar lips was already pressing deeply onto his own, the tenderness that he could once again feel almost choking him at his throat, his hands instinctively clutching at Dean’s cheeks to guide him closer for the kiss because it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t. But then again if this were to become a goodbye kiss, nothing would be enough.

 

So Castiel’s heart indeed started to pound against his chest the instant they parted for air, his sapphire eyes looking at Dean’s emerald ones almost dubiously and afraid to see what he could find in them but instead, all he could see was a reflection of his own emotions.

 

Dean was just as hesitant and afraid as he was.

 

But then Dean started to grab at the collars of his outer shirt, almost clawing at it until his grip was nothing but a literal dead lock and Castiel could only wait, his breathing still heavy as he tried not to pay attention to how Dean took a tiny step forwards towards him despite how close they already were.

 

Then Dean said it, with his eyes closed tightly and his head leaned downwards slightly in a way that was not enough to hide the rawness that his expression held.

 

"… Stay." He almost sighed out loudly in relief if not for how Dean still looked like he had words to say, and Castiel was not going to allow anything to break Dean’s sentence. Not when it took him this long to finally say something. “Stay with me, Cas.”

 

And Castiel almost thought that was end of what Dean had to say (not like it wasn’t enough - it was more than enough already) but then the hunter whispered.

 

"I love you."

 

Dean said for the first time, ever since Mary.


End file.
